The May Salty Paws is out whether you like it or not!
Be sure to consult your local elected official or bartender if you have enough panties on this. Otherwise, check it: https://mailchi.mp/797948287b3c/the-salty-paws-may-7225678
For a long time, I’ve been using a feature on Mailchimp called “Resend to non-openers”, thinking that’s exactly what I’m doing. Instead, it emails everyone in the free world like it’s a Jersey Shore spin-off.
I didn’t want that to happen. I’m sorry I spammed you.
I didn’t say I was going to stop doing it. Resending the newsletter three times a month with an odd supplement in the middle of the month works very well.
So don’t be mad at me. Just ignore / delete those annoying referrals. Or just hit the unsubscribe button and miss my next derailment about Nicholas Cage or Jeff Goldblum.
The move is up to you.
WE LOVE HATE MAIL!
Woman in the shop with 3 Pomeranian pounds in a baby sling with fluffy buttons and New Age garlands scalloping it: “I only feed my dog a raw diet because the kibble is POISON. As a high-end pet supply store, you should only offer raw food. This is how dogs eat in nature. “
Our answer: Ma’am, if I fed my four labs (or 370 pounds of dog) a raw diet, I would go bankrupt sooner than all these countries with spiders the size of a lawn mower.
Let’s do the simple math:
3 lbs of Pomeranian – 3 oz of raw food / day at $ 1.80 / oz = $ 5.40 / day = $ 162 / month
370 lbs lab – 123 oz of raw food per day at $ 1.80 / oz = $ 222 / day = $ 6,660 / month
Thanks for the tip, but what you’re saying is everyone should have small dogs.
And don’t give me “This is what they would eat in the wild” shit. The point is, dogs have been domesticated and have evolved with humans for 10,000 years. You would eat raw meat, live in a dark cave, and sleep with family members if you followed your advice to me.
Do not mistake yourself. I’ve seen the Raw Diet do some really amazing things for dogs that have issues with digestion, are sensitive to certain ingredients, or lack certain gut enzymes / bacteria to break down certain proteins. I also like to frequently mix up my dog’s diets because I think it makes him healthier overall.
But extrapolating your bossy, half-baked helicopter from your precious 3lb puppy to the rest of the world is absurd.
~~ Don (not a dog)
The coal hut
You had your chance last month. We put ALL treats, toys, calendars and necklaces on sale. Almost none of you have had online orders over $ 10,000.
So this month we’re going back to our same old, same old format – 4 pretty specific products you can easily spend $ 10,000 on all at once.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll have to start writing about the products we have for sale again. And you old timers remember what a horror show was like, don’t you?
If you haven’t joined us here before, this is the part of the newsletter where we highlight our web-only offers for the month. That’s right! These promotions are available EVERY MONTH, and EXCLUSIVELY for you guys – our rabid newsletters! Of course, I throw it on Facebook in the middle of the month. And if you passed this on to people you know and they bought stuff with the codes, we wouldn’t have any way of knowing. So go for it!
And remember all the locals of Boothbay – these aren’t specials. You have to buy them from the website and come and get them! Or I can send them to you by mail. Or I can drop them off. Whatever your choice, let us know in the “Ordering Instructions” section of your shopping cart.
THIS NEW COLLAR and LEASH
Do you understand that I designed this design? I personally searched the far corners of the internet for royalty free clip images to use on this necklace. Exactly the same way I did for our old necklace. By the way, our old necklaces are on sale because we are missing sizes and we only have one leash left. Get them before you sell them to American Pickers for $ 2.00 and they sell them for $ 4 billion.
Plus we have a billion of them and I’m starting to get nervous in some kind of Boothbay Harbor dog calendar.
23.97% DISCOUNT ON NEW BBH DOG COLLARS
Use Coupon Code: SPUTUM
REAGAN FREE WITH EVERY $ 10,000 PURCHASE ON THE WEB!
NOT THE FORMER PRESIDENT’S BODY
Imagine the horror of finding out that you bought $ 10,000 worth of stuff from our website in an alcohol-fueled erasing bender.
So imagine the joy a week later when you open a big enough package and an adult Reagan jumps in, ready for action.
We hired Reagan when she was kicked out of a traveling circus for putting too much icing sugar on the fried dough. Now it’s your turn to support.
Every Reagan is a fully functional disapproval and is guaranteed to drive you crazy if you actually listen to it.
Some tips if you have $ 10,000 and are considering buying a Reagan:
1) She can live on food other than Ice Cream and Cheerios, but she doesn’t like it. She also drinks healthy shakes that just look horrible.
2) DO NOT feed her after midnight.
3) NEVER ask him for directions.
4) DO NOT buy if you don’t appreciate long rambling rants about the latest parental grounding / implied police action by Reagan.
5) Non-refundable, but will consider a fair exchange of any snow tires I still have for my old ’85 Ranger which was scrapped about 17 years ago and is lying in a cocoon of pine needles in the back yard since then.
6) Not available for in-store purchases.
WEISS WALKIE – ANTI-DRAW LEASH
I put them on sale every spring for the exact same betrayal that I put tick keys on sale every spring: you people buy a whole bunch of them.
This is the best strain relief device I have ever seen. And it is not punitive (it means “without punishing” for you the dolts there).
Of course I had a woman in my store who said “I don’t want to CUT MY DOG IN HALF”. I tried to explain to him that it would be easier to cut his dog’s head in a collar than to cut his dog in half with a Weiss Walkie with the same pulling force. But she wasn’t interested in what I had to say because her vacation story was much more interesting with me as the infamous snake oil salesman who wanted to cut his dog in half.
And I know Max in the second photo looks like he’s whipping him with the leash, but he hardly ever gets whipped again.
Invented by Emily Weiss, Maine Dog Behaviorist, 100% Money Back Guarantee, yady yady yad …..
WEISS WALKIE – 32.78% OFF
Use Coupon Code: CUTINHALF
Have I ever told you how I defended a dumpster I had slept in for over a month against a bunch of roving hoboes with a check wrench? No? It must be because it never happened.
What happened with these little babies is that I pulled a buttload (formerly a “boat”) of nasty ticks from a furry friend and myself.
And here’s a horrible fact: The Tick key pulls the tick’s head EVERY TIME. And it doesn’t squeeze all of the lyme juice in the dog like tweezers.
It’s also good enough to be a flathead screwdriver when you’re in a tight spot. And defend yourself against the hoboes once sharpened correctly.
TICK KEYS NOW $ 5.00 – INCLUDING DELIVERY
Use Coupon Code: HOBODEFENSE>
The Boothbay region
MAX’S 14TH BIRTHDAY
OUR 10TH ANNIVERSARY
SUNDAY MAY 16
Max has probably been to more bars and restaurants in Boothbay Harbor than in the past 14 years.
I’m not kidding.
Of course, I am not going to implicate a specific bar or restaurant to break the rules of the health code. But I support my assertion. He’s a cosmopolitan dog.
We are grateful to Max. This was the first dog Liana and I had when we returned to Maine from the West Coast. And Max has trained all the dogs we have after him. He trained them to sit before meals, not steal trash cans in the store, walk off a leash, and play bite.
So if you see the old man in the shop, give him some love. He will always stand up and greet everyone who comes to the store when he is awake.
Thanks Max. Thank you for being such a big part of our lives these 14 years.
2 Random People who correctly identify this Boothbay Area Land Trust Reserve receive a free Bare Bite Bag challenge
When: the whole month of May
Where: On the world famous Two Salty Dog website
See how I changed the title? Instead of 2 first people, to correctly identify the BRLT reserve, it is 2 people RANDOM that correctly identifies the BRLT reserve. This means you can estimate on the last day of the month and WIN AGAIN.
And we’re going to try again now that everyone’s home and looking for free stuff and distractions. I’ll even make it easy for you. I’m going to post a super easy Preserve.
Remember: if you win, but are unlucky enough to be “From Away”, I will mail them to you. As long as you give me your address.
If you’re brave enough, email me your estimate using: [email protected] and you could be a whole 3 ounce bag of Bare bites richer.
Click here or in the photo above for a high resolution version.
Max and Aug’s dog blog
Good morning all.
Well, take a look at who’s the turn on the blog this month – Little Donnie Kingsbury.
I am asked all the time in the store if I am contagious or if it is a congenital disease. I am asked if “NOT RAWHIDE” chews have rawhide. I am asked if Grampa with explosive diarrhea can use my bathroom. I get asked all kinds of things that drive me crazier than a squirrel with syphillis.
This is why I decided to share with you my last interview and my intimate thoughts. So you’re all going to shut up and stop asking me questions.
So grab a cup of cocoa or fortified wine and click The interview rancid – ABOUT Little Donnie Kingsbury.
See you next month!